this is if only [dot] org


yesterday brought the ladybirds out in force, many-spotted and fizzing from leaf to leaf, sometimes alighting on my back, seeking out the best meals before the fall. today came winds and the threat of rain, but even now, it’s not one of the octobers i know, those i came to cherish as my own month. no close chill in the air to ice-brush the skin, nor to turn my breath to vapour clouds. it’s unnerving, disorientating, and while i should celebrate the attenuation of warmth and sunlight, wearing my hastily-bought sunglasses, it feels more a kind of dispossession of my past assurednesses.