this is if only [dot] org

gone away

These are the remembering days when I press beyond memory towards the unbidden feeling late that evening of knowing without knowing – of knowing it would probably be hours before others discovered what I already knew, of knowing to wait up late for the phone call. Sometimes I tell myself with a sceptic’s head that there’s no connection, that it wasn’t sudden, that what I felt was my expectations spilling over, and sometimes I believe that.