this is if only [dot] org


– you did your undergrad in film studies, so can I talk in those terms?
– these past years it’s been like learning the history and the context of a film, and the plotting and the structure and the characters and what’s going on in every damn shot… but knowing all that, I can’t make it a different film. That’s why I don’t want to come back.


– I feel like a character in a film and that requires a kind of consistency and continuity within the narrative otherwise it all falls apart. People can’t become different people just like that: the audience won’t accept it. There can be some external trigger or some hints along the way, but you can only become another person entirely if the director creates room for it and expects the audience to run with it: something like Mulholland Drive.


– So why can’t you be the director of your own life?
– I don’t feel like I can get there from being a character for so long. I’m not even Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck taking on the edges of the frame, exposing the celluloid, fighting with the animator. Character isn’t destiny, but character is character.


[ I should have remembered La double vie de Véronique, where the transition from Weronika to Véronique comes through death and fucking: the traditional mechanisms of change in a non-traditional order. ]